Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
