my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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