It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
