So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
