Who did Billy Mays play for?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
