i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize