I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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