Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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