i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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