her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
