I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
