I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
