Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We were destined to go to rehab together
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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