dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she peed on how many people?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
