who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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