it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
NoShamevember. You game?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
