Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
