We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
