I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
this hospital has no fireball
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
