His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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