I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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