Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Randomize
