just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
