I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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