guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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