im drinking this country out of the recession.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
