Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
