I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
