The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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