All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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