Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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