I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
