Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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