i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
