when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
