I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
