Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
