Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
