I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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