If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
