we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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