We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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