Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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