your parents love me but you hate me
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
