nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize