I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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