The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize