By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
