So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
