haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I have fence marks all over my body
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
