I'm really into asian looking animals
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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