I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
