im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
