woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
