i need an iv and a liver transplant
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
