break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
