So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
