Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize