I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize