There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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