he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize