actually, I'm a sock model
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize