hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
