She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
