I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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