And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
