I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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