I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
