Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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