not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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