i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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