i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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