just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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