I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
