Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
