He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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