I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
