I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
