so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
