Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
