Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
