no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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