The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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