it was like his penis was on wheels.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
