Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
vagina is talking i cant
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize