I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
