He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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