A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
